Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
