I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
