his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
