i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
