Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
