come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
