oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
