it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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