Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
