When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
