i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
