People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
