Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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