My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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