i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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