I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
