Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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