I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
As shirtless as possible
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
