i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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