There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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