If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
