i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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