I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
