Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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