on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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