I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sober January is a disaster.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
