When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
