I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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