The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Alive.
So much puke
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
