chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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