Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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