I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
