Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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