and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
