So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
