if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
