I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
