just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i drank out of a bidet.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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