I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
