Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
wow bdsm is so cute
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
