I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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