Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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