paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
only you would photoshop your dick
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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