I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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