Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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