i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
