guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
