The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
