Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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