the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
