Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
