Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
