Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
