Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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