I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
