I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
