Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
