What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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