I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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