So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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