Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
