his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
