Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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