I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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