You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
