Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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