let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
