I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
