i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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