Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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