You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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