When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
