I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
