i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
