so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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