I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
