escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
