You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
