I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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