so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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