if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
