just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
