last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
