Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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