Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
