i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
