So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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