the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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