He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
