Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
