WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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