Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
