Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can text with my tongue
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
