Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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