I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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