I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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